I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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