ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
