im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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