I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
