Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
