The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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