It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
