You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
