Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
