is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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