I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
