Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
