Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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