This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
