Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it

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(416): View more from Toronto

sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.

(1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

What did you cook with whisky?

(306): View more from Saskatchewan

We started a fire.

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(503): View more from Oregon

You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"

(774): View more from Massachusetts

It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"

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(302): View more from Delaware

THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA

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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud

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