Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
