just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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