i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
