He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize