I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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