I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he shaved USA in his pubs
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
