Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
