I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?