You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
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thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
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I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10