Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore