i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.