The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
