Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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