Already got asked if we're dating
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday