Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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