he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
