Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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