You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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