just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
