when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
