Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
