you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
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as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
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The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize