When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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