lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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