He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
