i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize