your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize
