I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
