dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
