I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Shame - the story of my life.
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