I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
