i think my tv is drunk
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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