every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
