Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
