nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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