Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
