Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
