Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
