I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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