my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
