turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
