You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
