Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.

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(718): View more from New York

im getting my college education on yahoo answers.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense

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(716): View more from New York

My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous

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(512): View more from Texas

He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".

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(802): View more from Vermont

She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth

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(541): View more from Oregon

He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.

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(281): View more from Texas

I am a taco. I am also really high.

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.

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