I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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