Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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