No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
