wakey wakey hands off snakey
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
