dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
