I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
