Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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