She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
