She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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