hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
