Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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