you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
