Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
