someone threw a dead crab at me
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
