Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize