turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
