I think my vagina is haunted
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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