Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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