i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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