Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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