the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
