I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
