Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
