i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Ketchup is God's man juice
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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