i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
