I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
