My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
