BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
