Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
