I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Randomize
