I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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