This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
